So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
