You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
