dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize