I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize