:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
