Acid is not a monday night drug
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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