my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm like, not good at living.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize