Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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