I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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