Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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