Just fell off a train. Bad.
it hurts more in the daytime
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
