it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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