By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i now understand why vodka
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
