Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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