I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
this hospital has no fireball
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
