this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
