***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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