Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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