It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize