Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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