After last night, I could never be a politician.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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