just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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