He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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