i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
