DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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