There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
