I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
