I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
