I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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