After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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