it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
