also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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