He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
