We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
