Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
