maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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