he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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