this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
