btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
