i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
