I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
