i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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