watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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