saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
