she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
