I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
