dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
