she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
