Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
