I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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