K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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