I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
