Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize