So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
