Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
