dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
