I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
