I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
