i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
