If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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