woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
