Quick, to the slutcave!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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