your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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