I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
